here it goes again

autumn is here

my thoughts aren't all here

time to start blogging again

soon; very soon

I'll be back

long long time

I've been really lame at this whole blog thing lately but it's never too late to get back into it...I guess things have just been a bit too hectic in order for me to take the time to write some thoughts.

I've ended up in the hospital TWICE since my last post. The first time consisted of a three day stay while the last (hopefully for good!!!) stay consisted of eleven long and gruesome days. I guess that being young and not ever having to be at the hospital has now become a foreign thing for me. Sad to say but I almost got the hang of being there, of seeing all those people in times of desperation and questioning. Staying there really made me realize how quickly things can change and how important it is to really appreciate what your given.

Thankfully, I'm feeling much better and I'm slowly getting back into my routine. My first week back at school is almost done and I need to be back to all of my regular tasks and activities next week...like it or not.

In addition, winter is over in eight days...this terrible terrible season over in eight days. I'm positive that spring will bring great things that will shine over the darker situations brought along by winter. One day at a time and all will fall back into place

looking past the negative

I am strong enough to do this...
Weakness is not an excuse & should never be
I don't want to end up there again.

numb

I'm just too weak to do this

Just way too weak

where is my ground control...

I previously said that I see things getting back on track and expected life to look brighter in the following hours, days, weeks, or months. I was wrong...I was so terribly wrong. 2009 has only been here for a month yet it has been so terribly unkind to me. It makes me wonder if I've done anything to deserve this...I'm quite sorry if I did.

I got some terrible and harsh news earlier this week. As I previously mentioned, I got my ear pierced and it was causing a lot of pain. On Tuesday I decided that I didn't want to deal with this pain anymore so I chose to go to the clinic. After waiting 3 and a half hours (with no music or cellphone because my iPhone was dead!!!) I got called into the doctor's office. The doctor, an arrogant son of a bitch, checked out my ear and told me I had cellulitus. It's not the unattractive craters women get on their legs so this little monster could not be healed with Nivea Good Bye Cellulite cream. Cellulitus is an infection of the different layers of inner skin that is characterized by red skin, burning sensation, rapid swelling. Hearing this was already a blow to my emotional stability but to make the situation even better the doctor casually told me that I could die from this because it can turn into a meningitis. That's an infection of the membrane surrounding the brain, so you can imagine how shocked I was when I heard this.

I got home and things were not looking better. Long story short, I went to the hospital and was taken in right away. I didn't expect that I would be there for a long time, but I was wrong. After taking my piercing out, which was not enjoyable at all, I was given antibiotics through intravenous injections. I stayed two nights, two nights too many, in the hospital where I got the chance to meet a few interesting characters while I was there. Overall, my stay there was not pleasant due to the bad food, all the antibiotics I was on, the pain, the sleepless nights, the loneliness. Thankfully, I had two visitors, my mother and father, who kept me company and tried to keep my hopes up. I'm grateful to be at home with my own personal belongings that I've grown to appreciate more. I don't ever wat to be away from home like that ever again.

In all, January was a terrible month for me, hopefully all this negativity will fall behind with this month. I think I just need to set some goals and things to do for the next couple of months in order to keep myself occupied and always busy. It's time for me to hit the sack again...'till next time.

back to the routine

FIRST OFF...I'm sorry blog for being so lame and not writing. I've had a very painful week due to a new piercing which resulted in me being very unproductive towards everything. Hopefully, it will heal soon and I'll be back to my normal self. Damn you conch piercing and your complications!

Call me crazy, but I'm somewhat happy that I'm back at school. It feels nice to wake up and know you have something to do that day instead of wasting away at home. I get to eat at regular hours and follow my eating original eating habits (hopefully meaning that there will be more weight loss coming my way!!!). I'm looking forward to this semester because it is my last one and I think it will be one filled with learning experience and one where I'll have to make important decisions. I want to give a big thank you to one of my teachers, David Finch, who helped me open my eyes about the obstacles that are to come and what people are going to expect of me based on my field of studies. If you're reading this David-wouldn't be surprised if you were-thank you for being a great listener and such an inspiring person.

Things hit a low before but I think that they're slowly getting back on track. What goes up must come down, but that doesn't mean things always have to stay down. I took a momentary detour on my life path or simply put happiness, but now I'm on the right track again. Let's hope that nothing will stop me again from heading that way.

this is the little devil causing all of my pain

school=death of me

I have two weeks left of vacation and judging from the looks of my schedule I'll be taking advantage of them. One more semester of college and then it's over, then I'm off merciless reality. I'm looking forward to the things that are going to come in the next few months...maybe just not my 8 AM classes and maybe my never ending breaks.

rising from ashes

one too many pizza pockets, an injured liver, burnt brain cells, missing pieces of the puzzle, tons of pictures, some drama, funny situations, and a burning bathroom...and now I'm sitting here.

I'm sorry blog, for being so uncaring and not posting anything for a little period of time. I've had a pretty hectic week filled with lots of events.

I have to say that I had tons of fun on New Years and I am partied out for an undetermined period of time... It feels so nice to be able to party and not have to worry about driving everyone safely, working the next day, or limiting myself because I have to come home where my parents will see me in an unstable state. I think it was a party well deserved for me after my year and the things I've been through. I hope 2009 brings many positive things and most importantly a lot of life lessons.

I was greeted by what you could call a not so pleasant surprise when I got home from my four day getaway. After a long week away from home, I figured a nice warm shower in my CLEAN bathroom would feel really good...I was wrong. My washroom has (or should say, had) a small convenient heater in the wall to ensure that the bathroom was nice and warm while you would shower. I turned this heater on before taking my shower and went back to doing my things. Half an hour later I heard a weird noise and my first reaction was to check the washroom...I opened the door and there was flames dancing together and growing across my bathroom walls. FLAMES!!!! Imagine facing flames after you've had a crazy week where you've barely slept and partied ridiculously. Thankfully, I did the right thing by calling 911 right away and making sure that the fire wouldn't spread. My house is fine, I'm alright and my parents are glad to know I'm alive...there are some damages, but it's better than not having a roof. If I would have waited five more minutes, according to a fireman, the kitchen would have caught on fire and the upstairs.

I think it was a sign, a sign that this year is all about appreciating what I have and living each day to its fullest. You never know when these things can happen or how quickly things can be put to an end. 2009 started out in flames, but hopefully it's like a phoenix...starting off as ashes and then turning into something strong and beautiful.

sorry liver. (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!)

The new year starts in an hour and I couldn't be more glad to be with the people I'm with. The drinks keep on coming and everyone is in a great festive mood.

I'm pretty fucked right now so please excuse any nonsensical mistakes or rants. The conversations right now are pointless and bizarre but that's the joy of the party.

I'm looking forward to posting some pictures as soon as I get back to Montreal.

Thank you to everyone who's organized the party and happy fucken new year to everyone!!

"another year over and a new one just begun"

I just sat down for the first time ever since I got home and it feels very nice. Another week end was spent working and sleeping. Not much excitement if you ask me. On the other hand, I've been packing ever since I got home from Tremblant and a rush of excitement struck me. I am leaving tomorrow morning...leaving to Mont Saint-Anne. I'm going away for New Years for a couple of days. I think it will be nice to be away from home for a little while and to let loose...very loose.

2008 was an interesting year... a very interesting year. I've learnt a lot throughout the year and I think I've grown up quite a bit. I started the new year by losing a part of me and will never be able to get it back. Things are often painful but you learn from them and you hope that you'll be able to move on. The first half of the year was filled with ups and very very low downs. Summer was refreshing and was memorable. Late nights spent outdoors, practically living on Mount-Royal, working in Tremblant, meeting a bunch of new people. Autumn...what a beautiful season but it always brings misery. I had a very rough time and I realized some things about people and the way life works out. Obviously, I felt a need for change because life was getting mundane. I've learnt that caring about yourself sometimes is more important than caring for others. Let me tell you, it pays off. Winter is here and I hope it will bring plenty of new joyous moments in the following year. I hope I can learn as mush as I did this year and grow up some more. I've matured both mind and body by letting every little situation make me think twice. Thank you 2008 for being such a bitch at times and yet so good to me.

Happy New Year to everyone since I will not be around for a few days. I hope everyone enjoys their festivities (in a safe manner, of course!) Also, I hope 2009 will take a positive route and turn out to be a good year.

christmas and inner children

I am back to living my normal life again...thankfully. I have finished my twelve days of intense work in a row and I am so grateful that I made it through. It feels nice to know that you earned and worked hard for the money that is now sitting in your bank account. Honestly, I think everyone should go on working sprints from time to time...makes you appreciate the relaxing evenings at home.



Christmas is over and it went by so quickly, similar to all the other years. I didn't spend it with all of my family, which doesn't really matter. I was with the two most important people in my life; my parents. They've given me the gift of life which is a priceless gift. Although, I do appreciate all the material items I've received during the holiday season.


I had a nice evening last night with a good friend that I missed dearly during my working spree. It feels nice to catch up with those who are close to you when you haven't done so in a while. We fooled around with my new camera and had bundles of fun acting silly. Note to all...letting out your inner child feels great from time to time.

Afterwards, I saw some more friends at a little Christmas gathering. I love the holidays because everyone is in such a jolly mood. Shame on those who act like a grinch! I hope all of you have enjoyed your Christmas and any other winter holiday as much as I have.

I'm leaving to go for Tremblant in an hour or so...more catching up with some old friends. I think this will be an interesting week end.

BEFORE &
AFTER

My camera is magical...

santa baby...

CHRISTMAS IS IN ONE WEEK!!!!!!

I cannot contain my excitement...

okay, okay, I still have six days of work in a row left so I should remain calm. I've already done six, so I'm half way there. To my great surprise, I'm not too exhausted and I'm still in a very good mood. Things are going well right now and I've grown strong enough to not let the little things bother me.

I am dying to get my paycheck, but it only comes in one week. I have about twenty dollars to last me an entire week. Twenty dollars for gas, coffee, cigarettes and whatever other expenses I have. Anyone want to donate some money to a kind girl who happens to be me? It would be greatly appreciated. It's Christmas...all about the spirit of giving!

Little update on my life...I lost three more pounds this week and I really hope I will not gain any during the holiday season. That means no turkey stuffing or cranberry sauce for me. Speaking of cranberry sauce, I got my hair dyed today. I added more red in it and went a little darker. It feels good to treat yourself from time to time. I added a picture of my new hair, but please excuse my creepy child molester look....hahah

BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!!!

dear writer's block,

you have been unkind to me and many other individuals therefore I think I speak on the behalf of many people when I tell you to go fuck yourself...

Now that I've made that clear, perhaps the words will come flowing again and I'll be able to write a thorough essay. I'm not in the right mind set to write a 1500 word thematic analysis on dystopian societies. Anyone have a remedy?

I've worked two days in a row and I have ten(!!!) more days in a row to do. I don't know how I'll manage or even make it through. My twelve days of Christmas will be spent working. Fortunately, I'll be making good money and starting the new year with some funds in my bank account.

Lost of motivation is not pleasant...in any case. I need to snap back into reality and get back on track. COOKIES, COOKIES, COOKIES!!!

do not give up, do not give up, do not give up. If I tell myself not to three times, maybe my goals will be like Beetlejuice...maybe they'll come after I call for them three times. Maybe, I'm just crazy.

destruction of a wall

I am calm. I am enjoying my coffee right now, my fourth one today. I am at peace. I am watching the imaginary wall between society and i shatter to the ground. I am sedated or will be by 5:30 PM tomorrow.

Another semester of school is over and i could not be any happier right now. No essays, no productions, no late nights spent editing, no chaotic hair pulling stress for six weeks!!!! Christmas is in a little more than two weeks and I'm super excited.

Nothing interesting has happened lately and I don't look at this negatively. One day goes by and another comes and I'm just at peace with myself. I'm looking forward to seeing more people during my break and getting my social life rolling...again.

I wonder what the new year will bring...I hope it will be as complete as the year that is finishing.

Happy end of semester to everyone...drink a glass of wine or two.

friday night blues

It gets pretty lonely in a tiny little room in front of a computer and with hours of footage to edit. Despite the minimal amount of school days, it feels like I have years of work to do. Instead of being in my warm cosy home, I'm at school in an editing room or what I like to call a jail cell.

Being alone, in a secluded room, gets you thinking...maybe a bit too much. I wish someone would be here to accompany me or possibly keep me from going insane. Thankfully, I love what I'm doing right now.

On a lighter note, the holiday season is approaching quickly and I'm so excited. Egg nog, cinnamon sticks, scented candles, nice jazzy music, all of this creates colossal amounts of excitement in mind!

Have a lovely Friday night, while I'm here facing a terribly long evening.

alegria

I think and will always believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm very grateful for this fact and I would not ever change anything. Lately, I've come to realize that life is precious and every moment needs to be appreciated. Therefore, I've been taking advantage of every opportunity that faces me.

I've never felt such joy before and I think things will keep on getting better. I'm looking very far out and with the right kind of eyes I see that the future is promising. I owe it to the people around me; the people who have made me feel different emotions or sensations.

Even if my fatigue and stress is overwhelming, I still manage to smile. School is almost over and the holidays are right around the corner. There are also many good times to be found around that corner if I keep the same positive energy. All I have to say is que sera, sera...

not too sure why i'm doing this

I'm sitting in this vast library trying my best to avoid my work and i think I'm doing well.

In reality, I should be studying for an exam right now but instead I find myself writing this silly thing. I'm not too sure why I even started this or if I'll actually write things, but it's worth a try. I guess you could say that I have a lot of ideas in my head and sometimes they need to let out in the world. Hopefully, whatever nonsensical things I write will inspire others or simply make people think.

To those of you who read this, thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your materialized and conceptualized life to read this. Thank you for stopping the endless ticking of your life clock. Thank you for sitting down, standing up or even laying down to read this. I may not know you or ever meet you but I deeply appreciate your concern or interest. Thank you...